So much is happening at the moment and I have been slack keeping this up to date. The whole purpose for me is to keep a record of all that we went through so Bruiser can see how much s/he was wanted and how special they are. So I will try and fill in the blanks.
We have had the hospital visit to see where s/he will be born. The Birthing suite seems quite relaxed and fortunately for us there was no one in them at the time. I think I would have reacted a little worse than I did.
Toni ran through what would/could happen and then checked V over, asked the usual questions about pregnancy and we got to hear the heartbeat again. It really is the best sound ever when you thought you many never get the chance to hear it again.
Towards the end of the appointment I found myself getting really anxious, it was something that I wasn’t aware of, nor expected but it happened. I actually felt psychically sick and I guess there are so many reasons why that happened. It is real, we are having a baby and it’s completely wonderful. But nothing will take away losing Sophie and having fear this time with Bruiser. It’s just life. We will cope. V will be our amazing as she always has been through this process, and Adrian and I, well we will deal with it all no matter how anxious we feel.
I think deep down I doubt myself. Will I be a good mum? I am sure that is the question we all ask. Of course a few weeks later and doing the nursery I have no doubts I will be a great mum. But there are moments when I am alone, or thinking of how hard this journey has been that I will crack.. I think that is a normal reaction no matter history when having a baby but the question is for the most fleeting.
So Easter came and went. V had an assignment due se we offered to take the kids out for the day. We headed to BB and while it seemed to take forever it was worth it in the end. The kids loved it and so did Zippah! We found a dog friendly beach and we are pretty sure it was his first beach experience. After a big day out we were all pretty tired at the end of it… and V almost get her assignment done (with the help of some chocky eggs!).
I finish work tomorrow. Wow… that is a milestone for me. I didn’t get to finish work with Sophie. I went to work on the Thursday and woke up Friday in a world of pain to head to hospital.
Bruiser is growing so well! V is doing an amazing job and eating herself silly (she is carrying a Raftery after all ). I have tried a few times to feel s/his kicks and I finally did at Easter after days of avoiding my efforts. There is was a little bump.. small from the outside but I felt it! V tells me now that you can feel them a lot more now from the outside. That is so exciting!
We are madly preparing our house for Bruiser’s arrival. Nursery is being painted, and a few odds and ends done around the house. Our bedroom is sorted with the cradle and change table and I washed a lot of things new bibs, wraps etc that we had on the weekend. I hung them out early Sunday morning and I got Adrian out of bed to show him. Another milestone.. hanging washing out. It looked so cute. We smiled so much seeing the little tiny things on our clothes line. Wow…
I am heading to Singapore tomorrow to see A,A,D & D, something I have been tyring to do since February! I am excited about that as it’s been 16 months and the boys have grown soooo much! They move to Haige in November so they will be further away, but it’s also a great excuse to visit another part of the world. AD is really good at keeping in contact and sends photos and messages when the boys are doing something cute or funny and we try and Skype regularly as well. It makes them feel like they really aren’t too far away.
While I want to go away, I want to be here to to sort everything out at home. Leaving Adrian to it all for 10 days!